Is this what growing old feels like?

Is this what growing old feels like? 

This is a question I have been asking myself when I entered my late 50s several years ago. 

As I turn 61 this December, I find myself musing on the whole question of aging and all that it entails. 

This issue crept up on me slowly about 10 years ago, when I developed osteoarthritis of the knees. Walking has become difficult, and kneeling during Mass is uncomfortable. But thanks to medical help, physiotherapy, and supplements, I can still get from point A to point B, albeit at a slower pace. 

Apart from this, other health scares have also cropped up. There have been several times over the past years when I’ve rushed to the Accident and Emergency department of the hospital for issues such as palpitations, chest pain, feeling of faintness, and hand weakness. 

Thank God, these turned out to be nothing serious and were easily treated. 

But all these serve to remind me that as I age, I lose something, the health and physical robustness that I used to enjoy in my younger days, and the sense of security and peace of mind you have when many of your loved ones are still around. 

As I age, I realise that concerns that did not bother me much in my younger days start creeping up. I decided to stop full-time work six years ago in answer to what I felt was God’s call for me to do so. Freelance work has been very interesting, but occasionally I get a twinge of worry: will the money I make now (which is less than what I was getting as a full-time worker) be enough to see me through the next few decades? 

What if my health takes a turn for the worse? Who will look after me as I am single? 

But what I have begun to realise is this: It’s so important to trust God for one’s needs and to take one day at a time. Being part of a faith community that can support you through ups and downs is also important. 

Sometimes, I feel that these aging issues are a preparation for the time when we have to surrender all that we have, the bodily health that we enjoy, the achievements that we have made, as we enter the heavenly home prepared for us.

They are our loving Father’s way of teaching us to detach ourselves from what has given us earthly security, and to help us realise that our eternal home isn’t on this Earth, but it is with Him in Heaven. It is a way of helping us to cast our eyes on the Eternal. 

God teaches us new and valuable lessons at this stage of our lives, I feel. They may be painful, but they are necessary in helping us realise the need for detachment and the ultimate goal of our existence. 

(Christopher Khoo is a Singapore-based freelance journalist, educator, and musician)